Promised report

Fasting is rather different at home than when one lives all by oneself.

Thank you... truly, thank you dear friends, for praying for me. By the end of my week of fasting the Lord blessed me with just what I had been hoping for - peace, and calmness in a soul that had been so constantly filled with uneasiness and uncertainty for so long. I have by no means conquered my doubts and fears, and my faith still feels inordinately weak, but God has been faithful. Not only did He grant me the serenity I had been lacking, but some indications of His approval of a particular direction.

Nothing has been written in the sky, but I feel reassured about my grad school path. As it stands now University of North Texas is my first choice - I've always wanted to go home. :-) More importantly, I feel, if not an unmistakable confirmation from God, a peace about that particular direction, which is more than I have felt about anything in quite some time.

God used two things in particular to bring that renewed peace, and right at the end of the week. I talked to my cousin Abby Green for over two hours Thursday night... I think it was Thursday... and... I love you Abby. I talked and talked and got a lot of things off my chest that needed to get off. (I love you Abby)

Then the next morning I read a Psalm that I've read so many times I almost know it by heart... (actually I've read all the Psalms so many times their verses are like so many old friends...) but that morning it fed my soul. I fed on it all day, and then some. I put one verse in bold, but the fact is the entire psalm was providentially appropriate.

psalm 143

1 Hear my prayer, O LORD, give ear to my supplications: in thy faithfulness answer me, and in thy righteousness. 2 And enter not into judgment with thy servant: for in thy sight shall no man living be justified. 3 For the enemy hath persecuted my soul; he hath smitten my life down to the ground; he hath made me to dwell in darkness, as those that have been long dead. 4 Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is desolate. 5 I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands. 6 I stretch forth my hands unto thee: my soul thirsteth after thee, as a thirsty land. Selah.

7 Hear me speedily, O LORD: my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down into the pit. 8 Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee. 9 Deliver me, O LORD, from mine enemies: I flee unto thee to hide me. 10 Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness. 11 Quicken me, O LORD, for thy name's sake: for thy righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble. 12 And of thy mercy cut off mine enemies, and destroy all them that afflict my soul: for I am thy servant.

Wow. I tell you what, wow. Thy Word is lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path, It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes, Unless thy law had been my delights, I should then have perished in mine affliction, I will never forget thy precepts: for with them thou hast quickened me, [insert your favorite psalm 119 verse here]. Praise God for His Word.